Hey, I’m Lee & I’m a sucker for punishment…NOT

Hi my lovely people

I’ve been working with contents of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz for many years. Over the last 6 months, I’ve really dived deep into applying the principles to my life in order to hold myself to a higher standard in order to grow and evolve.  

For those of you not familiar with what this is, they are:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word (Speak with integrity, say only what you mean, avoid gossip etc) 
2. Don’t take anything personally (Nothing others do is because of you. It is merely a projection of their own reality. i.e. You ain’t the victim, girl)
3. Don’t make assumptions (Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want to communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding) 
4. Always do your best (And remember that this changes from moment to moment depending on whether you are fit, happy, health, pms or not etc) 

Today, March 30th is the GRADUATION day I set for myself. Haha! I was planning to sit down at a nice cafe with my journal and go through a pack of notes I made re the challenges I faced during the 6 month application period. What can I say? I take this self-development shit seriously. Too much so sometimes. 

Just as I was getting ready for my graduation, I ran into a small problem. Guess what?….A bloody exam! I tell you, you just cannot make this stuff up. I stood face to face with a live exam paper in human form. 

Right, Miss Cocky, the voice inside my head said, Let’s See What You Got. 

The exam was tough. The person standing in front of me had war energy. I took two steps back, 3 deep breaths and then pressed play. 

1. I spoke with Integrity. Truth Only. 
2. I remembered that I was a mirror. Lee, this is not about YOU. This is not about YOU. 
3. I made no assumptions. I put on my brave girl bloomers and asked all the questions I needed to.
4. I did my very best. In my sweaty gear gear with a lump in my throat, I did not back down. 

I’m sharing my story with you today in case you need a strategy to get through a difficult situation. 

This 4 step method has helped me countless times and I am sure it will help you too.

Sending you so much love,

xoxo Lee 

Now off to that graduation celebration I go! 

My inner child really needed me last week!

My inner child really needed me last week.

“Shhh, now’s not a good time,” I said roughly; picking at another olive and shifting uncomfortably in my seat. (In my mind, I gave her the look) 

I was very aware of what 9 year old me needed in that moment. She needed to feel: 

• Loved 
• Safe 
• Accepted

And that’s exactly what I did NOT give her! 

And then something amazing happened! My son walked into the kitchen (age 9, about the same age as I was when I was most vulnerable) and I knew! I knew that I would neverrrrrrr treat him the way I had just treated Little-me.

I think it’s thanks to many years and many types of therapy, my commitment to my spiritual development and a healthy dose of self-care, that I was able to quickly self-correct. 

So, I left the dinner early and jumped into a good, long Epsom salts bath to remind Little Lee: 

If you are battling with a narcissistic bully of a boss/teacher/spouse or family member, I encourage you to say this affirmation daily and to believe that you are worthy of all these things. I do!

Sending you good vibes only,

BIG LEE

XOXO

I can buy myself flowers! I can hold my own hand!

Ahhh, I have a new favourite song! (Well, a new favourite to add to my list of 7000 favourites)

I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don’t understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can

Miley! Miley! You’re talking my language Hannah Montana! Damn girl.

I do buy myself flowers. I’ve been taking myself on solo dates, solo hikes, solo holidays, solo everything since day dot.

Why? Well, I happen to like my own company. Just like I love me a good one-on-one date with my hot man, a book club session, moms night, and those boozy Sunday lunches with 50 of my closest family members (ha! ha!), I happen to love me a little diner pour un too.

I’ve never felt awkward about these things.

In fact, my sister Chrissy reminded me just last week of the time when I was 14 years old and took myself out to a fancy restaurant by bus, wearing my mom’s perfume – which I stole while she was at work. Yes, I know, I know! I was always a bit of an early-adopter…or what do they call them now…INFLUENCER? I sat down, surrounded by business people in their fancy suits having business lunches and ordered a Coca-Cola which I asked the waiter to pour into a wine glass. “I’ll have the…escargot” I probably said, trying to act fancy and not knowing that it was in fact snails, you know?

But you get the point.

Self-love, self-care, self-respect are not buzz words. The more you do it, the more you’ll find that what you’re looking for out there you can probably give yourself, given half a chance. And then when and IF you add other people, they’ll slot into the open spots you’ve created for them just beautifully. Right!? (Besides, another lesson I learnt age 14 is that sitting around and waiting to be taken out on a date is sooooooo last season. Beautiful sunsets wait for no man).

Listen to the Miley song guys.

Do the things,

xoxo

Lee

Do YOU have the courage to tell your story?

One of the first things people say to me when they hear that I’m a writer is “Oohhhh, I want to write a book too!” 

My response “You should!”

Followed promptly by, “…and you totally can!”  

The sad thing is that 99% of those people never write anything and I know why. It goes back to the lie that’s been told to us for generations: YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  

What rubbish!  

Photo by Leeloo Thefirst on Pexels.com

Everyone is a storyteller.

Everyone has a story that only they can tell.

And everyone has a right to tell their unique story.

I’ve been working on helping other people find the courage to tell the story that only they can tell. To date, I’ve helped hundreds of authors get their stories out of the heads, into their hearts, onto their computer screens and then out into the world. 

The courage lies in the ability to go beyond the lies. That lies that say: Your story? Ha ha! Who are YOU to be interesting? What makes YOU think that YOU have anything to offer to the world? Give it up while you still have some dignity.

As a writing coach, I make it my business to take my clients beyond that self-talk. Take my dad, for example who has been creative all his life. He sang his stories as an Elvis impersonator in his early years, sketched his way through many a childhood trauma, created poetry through his woodwork and told of his heartache with his guitar. He would laugh if I were to tell him that his stories are still in draft because he is yet to WRITE them. I guess I would laugh too. But only because I know I am write..I mean right.  

I intend to win this one. And get him to write his memoir, Insha’Allah, as my muslim friends so beautifully say, “If God so wills it”.  

Lee

If you would like to work with me, submissions are open now until the end of January 2023. Please get in touch for submission guidelines.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise – Is this the secret to Health, Wealth & Wisdom

Early to bed

Early to rise 

Makes a (wo)man healthy, wealthy and wise 

Benjamin Franklin

This is exactly what our creator had in mind when they finalised my factory settings!  

Few things make me happier than going to bed early + waking up early. It has definitely made me healthier and since good health is our true wealth, I’ll be the first to say thank you for being able to check the “wealth” box too (while I wait for the billions in the bank).  

As for being “wise”, I guess being able to recognise what I have in this moment is the real measure of wisdom for me.  

Am I wise enough to know that I don’t know?

Am I wise enough to know that every breath is a gift, every second in this body precious?

Am I wise enough to ask for help, change course, learn, stretch, surrender to both pleasure & pain?

Am I wise enough to never call myself wise

And, most importantly, 

Am I wise enough to know when a carefully timed double shot of Espresso is required because life is not linear and mine is no boarding school?

I’m learning.

I encourage you to be you, to share you, to celebrate you. Imagine how dull life would be if we all loved our orange juice with salt?

Lee 

I just love this little doodle my 8 year old did of me! He sure knows how much his mom loves her some Ed Sheeran “Bad Habits” in those mom jeans. As for the cute eyes, well…what can I say?

Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself in the shower

In the car 

In all the spaces where you cry alone, smile alone and think of all the dreams that slipped away 

Forgive yourself for all you wish you had shared when you had plenty 

All the sunsets you didn’t lift your head to notice

All those days when you tried but fell flat on your face

And buried your tears under tons of fake smiles, makeup, noise and wine 

Forgive yourself for the jealous moments 

The ugly sessions of gossip and untruths 

Forgive yourself for not finishing what you started and not doing what you promised

Forgive yourself for staying 

And going 

And waiting 

And watching days turn into months turn into years of what ifs 

Forgive yourself for not taking a chance 

And for taking too many chances 

On the same old same old people and things that could-have/should-have/would-have but didn’t 

Forgive yourself for losing hope 

For looking outside for answers

For all the opportunities to grow and stretch and break free that offered you a ride you didn’t take

Forgive yourself for the seasons that went by in a flash 

For forgetting where you come from

For comparing yourself to people whose paths appear lighter than your own

Forgive yourself 

Forgive yourself 

Forgive yourself 

Forgive yourself for not forgiving yourself sooner

…and breathe! 

xoxo Lee

~Written on a cold, Joburg morning while sitting on my kitchen floor where I saw the perfect sunny spot. I crawled up to it, grabbed a piece of paper, and let the download come in. Just like the sun!

Photo by Sigrid Abalos

MENTAL HEALTH in KIDS

Last week South Africa could have been the setting for a horror movie.

I honestly never thought I would live to see my country like that and I pray that I never have to ever again. Scenes of factories burning, shopping centres being destroyed, looting and violence flashed across every TV screen and, try as I wanted to shield my children from it, I failed.

They felt the energy dipping as we checked our social media for updates. They heard the snippets of news on the short drives to the shops. They sensed the uncertainty and confusion as we tip-toed around the big issues.

Now I don’t know about you but if I remember anything about being little, things always seemed bigger when people whispered. So, we stopped whispering! Teachers were forced to do that too. My daughter’s English class via Zoom, for example, had to be put on ice for the teacher to field questions (and conspiracy theories) from learners. They wanted in on the conversation and it made me so proud to know that my kids have teachers in their lives who could hold space for such a tender dialogue.

We then received a notice from school advising of a MENTAL HEALTH DAY on Friday. A free day off school for kids to relax, de-stress, do a digital detox and reboot.

Whoooah, I thought. Perhaps this damn world really is waking up to the fact that we need to do things differently if we want to raise a generation of adults that don’t have to spend their whole lives recovering from their childhoods?

I’m hopeful. About South Africa. About the future of mental health and about Friday. I really think we’re on to something. Four-day work weeks are already totally in a thing in some parts of the world:-)

Lee

Gratitude Lists as part of your Self-Care

You know what guys? I’m sad about what’s happening in Israel and Palestine. I’m sad about the millions of people dying in India as the Corona virus continues to wreak havoc. I’m sad about the many divorces, suicides, mental health issues, drug addictions around me. I’m sad about the way people are struggling to eat, feed their families and survive. Their pain is everyone’s pain.

And yet, in the last couple of weeks,

• My dad got his vaccine, my niece got married, the kids set a mouse-trap and my daughter wore hot pink shorts for a new dance class
• I picked chillies from the garden and turned it into a home made peri-peri sauce which I bottled for some friends
• My neighbour put a bottle of silver shampoo at the gate for me to try (without saying a word)
• My favourite client launched her new website
• I cut my hair, made rum and raisin ice-cream and ate it in bed with my hubs when the lights went out
• I ran a little further, finished editing a 70,000 word manuscript for a client and I received the sweetest hand-written thank you note and some Turkish delight from a little boy.

Looking out for these moments and documenting them is part of my self-care.

It’s not so much about creating a false sense of happiness but rather choosing to note the little things.

These are the moments that help to lift my mood, change my focus and improve my overall feelings of health and wellbeing. The more I do it, the more I see little things to take note of.

So, I wanna know. What’s on YOUR list of things to be grateful for this week? If all you did was brush your teeth, that’s okay too. We are in the middle of a global pandemic. I say snap those pearlies and be grateful you still have them.

Grateful Always,

Lee

Shock-Horror! Ghosts can Write

“What, Mama?” *insert shock-horror on the cutest faces you can imagine here* “So YOU write the stories…and they take the credit?”  (“Do you at least get money?”)

I don’t know how it came about that I even brought GHOSTWRITING up with them. Or why…

Perhaps it was on that morning I was nearly bust being the Tooth Fairy and I grabbed a book in a lame ass attempt to show them something more “interesting”. 

I’ve been a GHOST WRITER for many years – taking ideas and rough drafts, weaving and channeling my ideas around them and then handing them back to authors to publish.

I’ve never thought about the credit bit. I guess that’s not why I write.  I write because it gives ME pleasure!

Have YOU figured out how to turn something you love doing into a business?  I’d start with what brings you JOY.

That’s always the way. 

xoxo

Lee

For more stories like these and a list of my services, please visit www.leemayimele.com

What INSPIRES You?

I always feel like laughing (I don’t!) when someone tells me I “inspire” them. It happened just yesterday.

Are you off your f$ing rocker? You really need to raise your standards, I always think. Here I am, with my overgrown under-arms, a dent in my car (shhhh, don’t tell the hubs – it literally just came back from the shop when I scratched it again) and a mountain of unopened bills. I haven’t had the time to clean out my daughter’s school bag this week and yes – you guessed it – the smell this morning led me straight to rotten pear. Yip, it was…you know….just hanging there in a little corner underneath the reading card. 

We celebrated our anniversary recently, and I posted a sexy pic of us kids on a night out. “Inspired” were you?  Well, I had my head buried in editing work the week leading up to that lovely picture and barely said boo to the man. So, I thought I’d surprise him with a lovely gift. When it didn’t arrive, I called to complain (in my best “Karen” voice). The tech guy’s slow “Uh…m’am” told me he knew I was grey. ‘turns out I forgot to click “check-out” and PAY!  Who does that?

Someone blamed it on Mercury Retrograde. I blame it on life!  

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch

That said, I did remember to brush my teeth and to say THANK YOU this week:

• Thank you for the gift of good health

• Thank you that my son ate all the garnishes (read veggies) on his burger

• thank you for the laughs over brekkie, the hummus, the WhatsApps of love, gossip and friendship

And most importantly, thank you because I feel loved, supported and accepted by those I share my life with.

So, I’ve decided: I’ll take the compliment the next time someone says that they are “inspired”. That’s how I will know that it’s okay to just be (messy) ME.

Perhaps you’ll do the same? I, for one, will be soooooo inspired!

xoxo

Lee

P.S. My book is now available on Amazon Kindle. See the link below for more info:

https://leemayimele.com/buy-my-book/