Shine your WEIRDO LIGHT bright (A short Soul-Sunday reflection on being YOU)

My HEART had a massage this week.

 

Someone described me by saying “She gets PEOPLE fatigue” (describing my way of engaging fully socially and then clandestinely retreating back to my own space and pace).

 

Game changer. Bloody damn GAME CHANGER!

 

It’s one thing to know something about ourselves. It’s another to know that someone else GETS it!

 

I mean, isn’t that what we all want? A gentle voice mirroring back to us those beautiful words “it’s okay”.

 

Okay to be weird

Okay to different

Okay to go at a pace that isn’t exactly textbook, but a pace that feels right just for us?

 

I must tell you, it’s just lovely.

Just so lovely when one heart bows to another in a simple Namaste-style salute that says “You’re weird. But, gosh, so are all of us!”

 

 

© Aluta continua, as they say.  A Heart Full of Stories, 2017

Do you have a heart-wound after a LOSS? If so, come listen to my story….

All this talk about Mother’s Day has me feeling anxious, I must admit. My heart-wound has only just begun to form a scab and I have been taking good care of it.

 

My approach to its healing has been quite simple, actually. Like a good mother, I have looked primarily at INFECTION PREVENTION.

 

For starters, I took a conscious decision that I needed to keep the environment sterile and germ free.  And while I am under no illusiions that one cannot engineer every social environment or interpersonal encounter completely (particularly with family), I knew that it was indeed possible to focus on “access control”. So, I did.  Quite intuitively, I have been terribly circumspect about who I engage with, what I share, and how I could avoid people with energies that felt harsh to my sensitive film. The daily “disinfectant” through meditation and “fresh dressing” through prayer have helped tremendously.

 

Secondly, I focused my attention on creating a HEALING ENVIRONMENT for the heart-wound. Once more, led purely by my instinct, I began to draw on my good memories of my mother and to allow that positive energy to flow into my home, into my work and into my relationship with my own children. I have also played, laugh, rationed screen time and increased my reading time.  I began to seek out real experiences, people, food and music that made me smile.  And sure enough, the smiles came.

 

I am, of course, always mindful that with this sort of wound, research tells us that there is no prescribed time frame for healing completely. In fact, research tells us that there isn’t really a “cure” at all.  Like diabetes perhaps, one simply learns to “manage” the beast and one learns to adapt one’s lifestyle in order to lead a productive life.

 

So, adapting I am.

And it would seem that the wound is indeed closing up.

And the scab will fall off.

And all that will remain is the scar. 

 

How I will relate to the scar, is of course another story entirely, but I will tell you this honestly:  there IS always light at the end of the proverbial tunnel after a loss. Yes, even when you think your entire world has gone black forever.

 

You will one day be able to reflect on your scar and know for sure that every single day is a GIFT. (After all, no scar is able to form on that which is not alive). And like me, you will also be able to CELEBRATE not only on Mothers Day, but every single day that you are alive.

 

Aluta continua, as they say.  May you never take a day for granted.

 

 

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2017

One person for a lifetime OR …

Someone asked me if I believe that we are supposed to be with ONE PERSON FOR A LIFETIME.  I responded frankly. I said that I was “not Oprah” so could not offer a Soul Sunday sort of answer.  But, my belief was that we did need to be with ONE PERSON AT A TIME. He called me “quite a deep serial monogamist”. I had to laugh! It had quite a nice ring to it.

 

As far as my statement went. I must say. it was one of those moments when something profound comes out of your mouth and you are left wondering where exactly it sprouted. Did you read it? Did you dream it? Did some romcom plant it?  I said “one person at a time” and it did sound rather Oprah afterall.

 

So there I sat, finishing my cocktail and contemplating fidelity with a feeling that the issue wanted me to sit with it a while. Reflecting and dissecting.  And that’s what I did in my morning meditation.

 

I came to the conclusion that relationships are funny things and that monogamy is indeed a choice. Not an everyday sort of choice, like pizza/no pizza.   It’s a call you have to make again and again and, because we’re ever changing spiritual beings living in blood & energy bodies, shit is changing all the time. We are changing all the time.  Our partners are changing all the time.  Variables are changing and life is throwing us a million little plots and subplots, each with its own peaks and dips. So, who are we to say that our “choices” will always reflect that exact perfect tune which we set out to dance to, when we first commit to being with just one person?

 

For me, the answer lies in holding to the fantasy. The dream. That vision of ONE person. A shared life. One common plot. Plugging into a central system wired so intricately, that the magnet automatically pulls you both back in when you need it most. (And yes, that last sentence is another such moment when I wonder where on earth those words came from!?)

 

Today, I am grateful for the inspired thoughts.

 

Alow me to wish you well on your journey.  May you always be guided to make the choices that honour the highest version of you.

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2016

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Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lee-Ann Mayimele and www.aheartfullofstories.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of thosssssse days

I woke up feeling strange.

 

I knew that I had not slept well because my son was up lots, but it was not that.  I felt off- centre.  Just not myself.

 

Instead of allowing myself just 15 minutes of gentle writing and meditation time (which I know works for me), I jumped straight into my work in the kitchen, of preparing things for school etc.

 

After everyone had left the house for the day, and still feeling slow and low, I jumped into my car with no plan of where I was going.

 

As I set off, I received an SMS from my housekeeper reminding me that I needed to buy toilet paper. I responded “Okay”.  She knew I would forget.

 

Because habits are hard things, I got the urge to send some work emails so I swerved right into my local country club to use the wifi. I planned to rush in, send the emails and go straight for the toilet paper. You know, get the shit out of the way, so I could enjoy my day off work.

 

While I was signing into the club, there was a knock on my window followed by my door opening. A 100 year old man got into the car and said “Oh dear, would you give me a ride to Gate 1” pointing to the gate in the distance.

 

He was already halfway in the car. So was his walking stick. It was too late to do anything but drive. So, I smashed the old McDonalds Happy Meal box off the front seat and said “Yes, sure.”

 

The security guard was laughing hysterically. It must have been my face.

 

Gate 1 was not where he thought it was. In fact, it was Gate 2 to be precise and it was far, far out of my way. Thirty minutes later, I dropped the old man off at the cricket stadium, right in front of the entrance. Yes, thirty whole minutes later. That’s how long it took me to find his Gate 2.

 

He kissed my hand and said “Thank you, dear. Now go on and do something fun. You are only young once!” 

 

Shaking my head, I found myself laughing and then crying as I drove back home to do something “fun”.  I climbed into bed with some ginger tea, a Mr Delivery menu and my notebook.  I also gave my housekeeper the day off.  (Because ain’t nobody got time for toilet paper dramas on their day off!)

 

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2015.

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lee-Ann Mayimele and www.aheartfullofstories.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.