MENTAL HEALTH in KIDS

Last week South Africa could have been the setting for a horror movie.

I honestly never thought I would live to see my country like that and I pray that I never have to ever again. Scenes of factories burning, shopping centres being destroyed, looting and violence flashed across every TV screen and, try as I wanted to shield my children from it, I failed.

They felt the energy dipping as we checked our social media for updates. They heard the snippets of news on the short drives to the shops. They sensed the uncertainty and confusion as we tip-toed around the big issues.

Now I don’t know about you but if I remember anything about being little, things always seemed bigger when people whispered. So, we stopped whispering! Teachers were forced to do that too. My daughter’s English class via Zoom, for example, had to be put on ice for the teacher to field questions (and conspiracy theories) from learners. They wanted in on the conversation and it made me so proud to know that my kids have teachers in their lives who could hold space for such a tender dialogue.

We then received a notice from school advising of a MENTAL HEALTH DAY on Friday. A free day off school for kids to relax, de-stress, do a digital detox and reboot.

Whoooah, I thought. Perhaps this damn world really is waking up to the fact that we need to do things differently if we want to raise a generation of adults that don’t have to spend their whole lives recovering from their childhoods?

I’m hopeful. About South Africa. About the future of mental health and about Friday. I really think we’re on to something. Four-day work weeks are already totally in a thing in some parts of the world:-)

Lee

The Little Things this week

My children made a card for my best friend’s mother this week. They picked flowers from the garden which we slipped inside a handmade card and sealed with a crooked bit of tape. I bundled their contribution into my pretty gift bag and sent it off, together with the rest of her gift.

She sent us a thank you video some hours later. Do you know what she treasured most? The random, mismatched flowers and words up and down a page stained by dirty fingers.

Pretty little blooms for a special lady

I was moved to tears.

It had been a hard week for us. The kids are back to doing online school, South Africa is back in Level 4 lockdown and many friends are down with Covid. Touch wood, we have been safe, happy and healthy but still, it hasn’t been easy hearing about other people losing loved ones and battling to save their businesses etc.

So, being able to make someone smile made me smile and once again I can say with absolute conviction that I am GRATEFUL for

• the gift of life
• the gift of good health
• my happy, healthy, creative, funny, kind, intuitive little people
• friends that feel like family
• flowers, birdies, sunshine, bugs and the whole ecosystem that gives and gives
• the sense that the more I appreciate THE LITTLE THINGS, the more they turn up.

How about you?

Can you vibe with that?

Lee

Dear Kids (A reflection from a greying Mama’s Heart)

Dear Kids

Whilst no parent has all the answers and whilst this mama is constantly, still learning, know this for sure:

1. You are never alone
2. Travel is the best teacher
3. “No” is a good word. Use it often. It’s particularly lovely when there’s a dead silence and you offer no explanations
4. “Please” and “thank you” never goes out of fashion
5. Water heals. Oceans. Tears. 2 litres a day
6. You have a built-built in “people” radar. Please listen to its beep beep beep when something feels offish
7. Sleep is medicine
8. Play, play, play. Never stop playing
9. Less sugar, less screen time, more grass, more laughs
10. God is inside you and no one one has a special hotline that you need to go through
11. Betrayal is painful. Nothing can prepare you for that kick in the groin
12. Go out and explore. You can always come home to cry
13. Try and remember who you were before the world started pinning its labels on you
14. Your body is beautiful. Exactly as is. Explore it. Admire it. Treat it right and it will reward you so much
15. No one knows it all
16. Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family
17. Believe in magic. Those who don’t, never find it
18. Your word is your honour. Do what you say you will. Always
19. A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles
20. Give freely. Of what you have. Of your time. And quietly please
21. No one likes a show-off
22. Learn to listen. To God’s voice in the early morning. To yourself. Certainly to people who you trust
23. Shortcuts never work
24. People will forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them FEEL. Be kind
25. Books, music, thunderstorms and tea are good for lonesome days when you need your mama
26. Abundance and prosperity are your birth right
27. Look beyond the labels of race and religion, gender and social standing. How people treat people from whom they need nothing is where you should focus your scoring and grading
28. Jealousy is when you count other people’s blessings instead of your own
29. Love does not need to hurt
30. Speak your truth. Even when your voice shakes
31. What sets your soul on fire? Go there
32. Learning is constant
33. Messing up is okay. Intentionally hurting someone never is
34. You teach people how to treat you
35. You may have one “true love” or many or even none. Remember that you are whole anyway
36. You have a story that only YOU can tell

 

xoxo

Mama

 

© Aluta continua, as they say.  A Heart Full of Stories, 2017

A Loaf of Bread (Yes, another story about Gratitude & Magic)

It was the kind of morning when my coffee was medicinal rather than recreational.

 

My son had been up most of the night with an ear ache. So, he alternated between my chest, the kitchen floor and my husband’s forehead. Basically sitting (because he couldn’t lie flat) wherever he felt most comfortable and making damn sure that the whole neighbourhood knew that we had a sick patient in our home.

 

The following morning he was 100% fine and had me wondering whether the whole night was a dream. Just then, his nanny arrived and I could have kissed her, I was so happy!  But, the first thing she said was “there’s no bread?” with a look of shock- horror that bolted me out of the door, medicinal coffee in hand.

 

I zombie-d down to the shops where I stood in the longest queue, with the biggest headache for eternity.

Apples? Check.

Fabric softener? Check.

Lemons? Check.

 

I noticed that the guy standing in front of me in the queue was buying 100 loaves of bread. “Damn!” I thought, “bread! I forgot the #%*ing bread!”

 

Just then, my phone beeped and I dipped my head down. When I looked up again, the guy in front of me had disappeared.

 

And, guess what HE left behind? Yes, you guessed it.

Bread.

The very kind I intended to buy.  Paid for.

 

There are no words. No explanations. Certainly no coincidences.

Just gratitude….

 

 

© Aluta continua, as they say.  A Heart Full of Stories, 2017

 

 

 

 

 

How a toddler schooled me in SURRENDER

I’ve been observing my son and his CTRL-ALT-DELETE siesta system shut-down for a few weeks now.

 

After a 3 block walk home from playschool at noon, he gobbles down a hot lunch and then stumbles straight up to a sunny spot where he crashes for 2 hours.

 

He never looks across at his PlayDoh, nor does he squeeze in a quick trip to the fridge before he allows his body to melt. He never turns on the TV in case he misses a scene of Paw Patrol nor does he apologise in advance for being unavailable for the next few hours.

 

The dude simply surrenders to what his body needs most and in doing so, allows all systems in his temple to reboot. Routinely, of course, but most beautifully all the same.

 

I must tell you, today I am so very thankful for the lesson in self-care.  The tutorial in surrender is something I need very much indeed….

 

And the GRATITUDE that floods my veins is most delicious!

 

© Aluta continua, as they say.  A Heart Full of Stories, 2017

 

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Whilst we don’t know the origin of the pic above, all respect and due credit are hereby given where appropriate. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lee-Ann Mayimele and A Heart Full of Stories with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. All media rights and copyright for the words reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

The Front Row II (A short reflection on CHANGE)

With another birthday approaching, I am naturally reflecting on all things CHANGE (and no, I am not only talking about the spread in the middle)

 

It always fascinates me how deciding who gets a front row seat in the movie that is our lives isn’t exactly as simple as ordering a large popcorn and Slush Puppie.

Friends change, lovers drift, egos inflate, eyes open, lust rattles, death knocks, jobs morph, travel calls, masks drop, strategies shift, needs flip, kids drift, hearts evolve. You know, life happens?

While we are certain that CHANGE is the law of the universe (with seasons changing, leaves falling, blossoms springing effortlessly before our very eyes) I have often wondered why we find it so difficult to just “flow” with these changes especially as they affect key relationships.

 

Then it hit me : We are uneasy with movement, with change itself.

 

The old moulds are more warm and familar than a onesie, clouded in words like “loyalty” and “history”. Deciding to actively drop leaves, sprout flowers and reassign those name tags on the prime VIP spots in our life, ruffling feathers and inviting scrutiny challenges our comfy paradigms. Crap ain’t easy.

But it must be done.

So, as I mascara another grey hair this morning and try not to overthink my Kombucha ambitions, do allow me to send you my best good vibes as you contemplate your own selections.  

• If you have to increase or decrease the number of seats, make that call.
• If you are blessed that no rearrangement is necessary, scream “thank you!”; such blessing is never to be taken lightly.

…BUT yes, that seating chart needs to be issued. (Or else some random weeds will fill those vacant spots and then your garden will really be sad).

Go on…Today is a good day to think about that front row again.  Aluta continua, as they say.

#gratitude #reflections #alutacontinua

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2017.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Whilst we don’t know the origin of the pic above, all respect and due credit are hereby given where appropriate. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lee-Ann Mayimele and A Heart Full of Stories with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. All media rights and copyright for the words reserved.

 

The Art of War for Moms

My 3 year old locked himself inside a cubicle in the men’s bathroom. I can’t tell you how many times I said “do NOT lock that door” to him before he took the plunge and locked himself inside.

 

Why he was alone in the men’s room when he usually wees in the ladies’ one is a story for another day. One which includes “power struggle” as the predominant theme.

 

Actually, I think all he heard was “please lock the door to test your mother” when he committed the crime. And, I was adamant that he was going to “pay”.

 

Until I looked to my left and saw his 7 year old bodyguard with her arms folded, staring me down. They were united by a common enemy. Their army was looking strong.

 

I quickly tried to think back to The Art of War, to figure out my strategy while the men in blue overalls tried to knock the door down to rescue the felon. But, I drew a blank.

 

As soon as he was free, they both started crying like long reunited family on parole day. He was crying because he knew he had messed up. She was crying because she was overcome with stress about the situation.

 

I was just frustrated and exhausted. It was a crap day at Mama (Pty) Limited.

 

As I turned into the parking lot of their favourite restaurant, I saw my daughter in my rearview mirror “Ha Ha Ha! Shhhhh, she’s forgotten…” she laughed pointing forward towards my head. (I had threatened to go straight home after the fiasco but the lord knows that I needed the wine, so I played along and pretended I had forgotten my threat.)

 

That’s when I remembered The Art of War’s best quote “Appear weak when you are strong”. So, like a boss, I marched into the sushi spot and proceeded to use their pocket money to pay for the sushi (and wine).

 

Aluta continua, as they say.  All is indeed considered FAIR in love and in war.

 

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2016

 

P.S. Here are some more quotes from The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Yes, I agree, many of them do apply to my little war too 🙂  Shhhh….

• “Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him”

• “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting”

• “All warfare is based on deception”

• “In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity”

• “The wise warrior avoids the battle”

Survival 101 for the Gentle Among Us

So, I spent the afternoon at a kids birthday party recently and watched my daughter be pushed from number 2 in the queue to number 15 in a line of 16 kids.

 

I watched the whole thing unfold in ultra slow motion. First one push, then another 3, then another before she was standing at the back.

 

Now, you have to understand how that raised my blood pressure. In. Very. Slow. Motion. Until I could not any longer exercise further restraint.

 

So, I walked up to her and whispered in her ear “Darling, remember what mama told you….” I was referring to many a lecture I have given her about NOT allowing people to push her around, NOT allowing bullies to mess with her, speaking up for herself etc. You know, Survival 101 for the Gentler Variety?

 

But, the girl was not concerned with my blood pressure in the least. She didn’t mind at all as she proudly said “Mama Stop!” She continued, “Mama, there will still be enough cake for everyone, you know?” pointing to the half a face of Elsa still left on the table.

 

The girl clearly had a point.

 

What struck me is that she had absolutely no problem with being shoved to the back of the queue and frankly, neither should I she thought to herself as she plonked herself down on the grass with the melted ice cream cake slice and the biggest smile on her dirty face. I watched the ice cream melt, along with my heart and I thought: Yes my girl. There is indeed enough of everything in this world to go around and surely what’s meant to be yours will most certainly be.  Fingers crossed.

 

Mama learnt her lessons:

 

Lesson 1:

Focus on the things you CAN control

 

Lesson 2:

There is more than one way to get things done

 

Lesson 3:

Don’t sweat the small stuff

 

And most importantly, Lesson 4:

Vanilla “Cake” can turn into the most delightful double thick vanilla milkshake if you have the time and patience to let the universe unfold exactly as it will.

 

So yes, I do consider myself duly schooled.

 

Patience and Surrender are not courses only for the “weak” among us. They are indeed courses of PhD level, which my little Doctor of IQ aces quietly each and every day.

 

Aluta continua, as they say. May the quiet ones among us know that their voices are indeed very, very powerful.  © A Heart Full of Stories, 2016

 

Traffic Light Lady (A story about running your own race) – To the Trompies “MADIBUSENG” soundtrack

Someone I barely know asked me how I find the energy to chase my dreams with such gusto?  She continued by stating, quite matter of factly, that I seem to be one of those people to whom great opportunities “just come” and the lovely lady ended off by saying that she also noticed that I didn’t really have to “work very hard” to get to the finish line, often beating the ones who “slave away 9 to 5”.  

 

She touched my shoulder and smiled warmly. For impact.

 

I did not respond. I could not.  Words failed me.

 

Now, it doesn’t take a PhD student to understand why this was so problematic that it actually left ME speechless.  I think it may have something to do with the tone.  The tone of the 3 “facts” wrapped up as compliments, when in fact they were not.

 

I went through them in my head again:

1. Accusation 1:  I am the one chasing with gusto (implying that I am workaholic running uphill at high speed). So, a GREEN light sort of person?
2. Accusation 2:  Things just come (implying that I am in neutral, just waiting). So, an ORANGE light kind of person?
3. Accusation 3:  I don’t have to work very hard (implying that I pretty much rely on my fake boobs to bring in the moola). So, a RED light kind of person? – Every pun intended!

 

And, here’s the part where the penny is supposed to drop and I am supposed to deliver some profound sermon, dispelling the accusations and leaving the daft woman looking dafter. But no.  I fancy a different approach….

 

I’ve decided that the next time I see her, I will play the famous Trompies Song “Madibuseng” featuring the late and very great Lebo Mathosa (“Sometimes you red-y, sometimes you green-y, sometimes you orange-y”)  in my head and say:

1. “Good morning, can’t talk, gotta run…to Paris for my croissants and then back to Dubai for a meeting with Oprah and finally back to a TED Talk in Vegas. Gosh, when will I eat?” (The colour GREEN should come to your mind right about now)
2. I will continue “Oh wait! Sorry, I think I will just go back to bed and meditate. You know? We can have anything we want if we just believeeeeeee (and do “ohm” with my hands)” (You feeling organgy yet?)
3. Acting all excited I will then add, “No, no, actually, let me call my butler. I sooooo need a wax (roll eyes), a spray tan, my extensions fixed, eyelashes lifted but first…let me pop this pill. You know? It puts you in a coma so you don’t have to be awake during the process” (at which point I can put a red Smartie in my mouth).

 

Crap man! Who am I kidding?

 

While I do love that Trompies song very much, I won’t have timeeeeeeee to disarm the woman because I will be so busy driving to work on a tank with a flashing orange fuel guage to finish a PowerPoint presentation in order to meet a deadline in order to meet my KPI’s, hoping to get a bonus while touching up my grey hair with mascara and wondering how to turn leftover KFC into Chicken A La King for a family dinner!  You know? I will be busy chasing, working, running, hustling, doubting, fixing, negotiating like the rest of the world…..

 

So, before I let old Chairman of the Peanut Gallery get to me, best I remember that what other people think of us, is actually none of our business.  © A Heart Full of Stories, 2016

 

Aluta continua, as they say. The road to learning to run our own race and let others run theirs is longer for some than others.  I wish you a short one, friends.

 

 

COPYRIGHT: 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lee-Ann Mayimele and www.aheartfullofstories.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

Sweeping Things Under the Carpet (A story about leading by example)

My 2 year old took a tub of black eye shadow and sprinkled it all over our cream bedroom carpets. He didn’t spill. He sprinkled. Liberally.

 

 

I was very upset. And the look on his face told me that he understood how I felt about his “magic dust”. 

 

 

After I calmed down, I took a small Persian rug and threw it over the black marks.  Out of sight, out of mind you know?

 

 

While I took a shower to try and calm down (it was too early for wine), my son called for help from his most trusted ally and together they got busy with Operation Clean-up.  They had it all figured out:

1. Soap (Green dish liquid)
2. Water (poured into a nearly empty cranberry juice bottle)
3. Sponges x 2
4. Tell Mama the good news
5. Ask Mama if the sushi date was still on

 

Well, the 7 or so dry stains turned into one giant wet puddle of green/cranberry and MAC Carbon Black.

 

 

So, my daughter tells me (behind her brother’s back), they abandoned their mission after Step 3 and followed my example.  They took a rug and covered up the catastrophe.  Out of sight, out of mind you know?  

 

 

Well, let me tell you, I took the darlings for sushi.  Right after that shower.

 

 

 

I figured that some things are indeed best left swept and left under the carpet.

 

 

Besides, what’s a childhood without memories of “magic dust” anyway?

 

© A Heart Full of Stories, 2016

 

Aluta continua, as they say. This parenting road is indeed still long…. (for me) but gosh it can be funny sometimes.