*CONFESSION*: I used to be a YES-Girl too

When last did you say NO?

As a recovering yes-girl, every single time I do this, I still get goosebumps. No, honestly.

Just last week I said no to doing the social media content for a campaign to help find jobs for people who had lost theirs because of Covid-19. The organisers wanted the job seekers to hold up placards describing their plight and to pose for pictures. The placard captions were to read Hungry. 2 Kids. No Food etc. I knew for sure that not one of the people – who by virtue of the way the dice had fallen in this lifetime – would have been prepared to hold up such a placard (nor would I), and so I walked away.

I just love this photo by Arfa Talib from Pexels. Isn’t it wonderful?

Then, I also said no to a bully in the family recently. Now, if you know anything about families, no is the ultimate swear word! Don’t you think? But, I was willing to take my chances. This time, I was guided by the fact that my little people are watching and learning and that if I want them to learn how to assert themselves, affirm their boundaries and stand their ground, I am going to have to walk the talk!

Perhaps you’re battling a little bit in this arena too? If you are, here are a couple of things to remember:

1. You teach people how to treat you
2. No is a complete sentence
3. You get what you tolerate
4. The only people who get upset when you assert your boundaries are the ones who benefit from you not having any

I wish you love, my friends. And the courage to say NO!

Grateful always,

Lee

Teachers: The Good, the bad & the ugly

Some teachers will stay with you forever. 

Miss Brown was one such teacher for me. In a sea of unkind, cruel faces she smiled. That’s what I remember about her. That she smiled and sometimes all it takes is someone smiling at you when you are a little person overwhelmed by eczema, family conflict, and maths to know that the world is okay.  

My son may or may not remember his Grade 1 teacher but I will. She’s the kind that makes each child feel like they have their very own personal tutor and cheerleader. I have watched him grow and flourish under her covert strategy to “stretch” him.  Teachers like her are rare and we are the lucky few.  

Then there are those teachers who really should not be teachers and boy, oh boy, have I had some of those in my life. Back when corporal punishment was still allowed at school in South Africa (yes, I am giving away my age), one particular teacher who I still have the displeasure of seeing as an adult, took his role as “disciplinarian” so far, that many of the children that he beat up still have PTSD as adults. 

Another gremlin teacher was the one who in my last year of high school, when I called the home phone (again, I am giving away my age) of the young gentleman who I had romantic links to…took the phone away from him and spoke to me. Yes, she was at his home and she was not there to give him English lessons. She made that very clear to me.

It was World Teachers Day last week.  I wrote a couple of thank you notes. I also processed some of the old emotions related to teachers that were not so cool. That’s how these little memories came into story form now.  

It’s also the reason I need to give a shout out to my MOM friends who have to be teachers every day of their lives but have also had to formally become teachers this year because of the Covid-19 pandemic. 

Girls, I see you.  I see you struggling to keep yourself sane.  I see you carrying the emotional load of your family.  I see you trying to create balance. I see you dying of loneliness.  I see you having to put your dreams on hold for another year. I see you watching as things fall apart.  I see you cooking endless meals, doing endless shopping, providing snack after snack.  I see you trying to limit screen time while seeing the need for technology. I see you having to deal with your judgy in-laws, neighbours, and the rest of the peanut gallery. I see it all.  

…and I salute YOU!  This Teachers Day and always because we are all in the shit together.  

May history judge us kindly.  

xoxo

I fell into a TRAP recently…

I fell into a trap recently. The VICTIM TRAP.

Now, if any of you have ever been down this path, you will know that:   

1. It’s warm and comfy  
2. Pointing fingers is your life
3. Taking accountability is out of the question 
4. Complacency (aka sheer laziness) is standard 
5. Deflection is your go-to strategy for everything 

It took me a run-in with someone who has been in victim mode for over 25 years to come to my senses!  I noticed that I felt drained each time we met.  At first, I tried not to judge and just to listen.  But, listening also took too much energy, so I had to be careful.

The reasons she gave for her approach to life were full of excuses. The other thing that struck me was that she did a whole manner of naughty and ugly things, and that the victims of these antics, were often those closest to her.  Because, you know, LIFE HAS BEEN HARD! 

Hell no! The mirror she held up to me showed me who I definitely did not want to be.  

Wake up, young lady! I caught myself saying.  Smell that?  It’s the smell of being POWERLESS.  Not your vibe, girl!   

So, I found myself some help and returned to the shore of accountability, taking little steps to get back into the driving seat.  Ahhhh, that felt more ME! It hasn’t been easy.  I’ve had to face up to little habits I’ve developed over the years, which needed to be checked (and no one in the history of human kind likes being poked and prodded like that). But hey, this is my work!  

 
Perhaps I could interest you in a SELF-CHECK this week? Are you a victim or are you, like me, in recovery and working hard to stay healthy?

Let me know.  I’m sending you love.  

xoxo

Lee