Reflections on Mama Karma through 3 generations

 

My daughter is beginning to get embarrassed by me. Not by anything I do/say/wear or how I use my hands to eat. Just ME. The whole package. Even when I am silent and using a knife and fork to eat pizza.

 

There’s a blush beginning to develop. A very faint pink flush but it’s there all right. It’s there and I know it well.

 

From experience.

 

It really brings into focus my relationship with my own mother, who was a non-conformist of note. And while I can be a real people-pleaser, never wanting to cause any waves, she was very much the opposite.  

 

She would embarrass me constantly too. Not by anything she did/said/wore (well sometimes the Converse trainers and expletives were a bit much) or how she smoked with the young girls while her peers drank tea in a circle saying the rosary. No, just by being herself. 

 

And history will judge us both.

 

Me for being me, slightly too teacher’s pet, always wondering how I can change/ tone down/conform.

 

And her for daring to stand out.

 

As for my daughter, the blush still needs to mature to a deep red, I’m afraid. I mean, what’s a childhood if not filled with cringe worthy moments unwittingly created by our parents? That’s karma right?

 

Hopefully by the time my sweet girl becomes an adult, her reflections and experience of the “blush”, will guide her to a place where she too can just BE. You know, just be herself, with the full appreciation that we are all different, all the same….and that’s wonderful.

 

Now shhhh, don’t tell her this BUT if she leans a little more towards the nature of her rebel of a gran, then that means my work is done.

 

That will be karma too. A fate I will gladly accept.

 

 

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I want to mop! I want to mop!

I was having a shit day.

And, the floor needed to be mopped.

That’s when my 5 year old walked in.  “I want to mop! I want to mop”. Now, I didn’t want her help for two reasons:

  1. The 30 second mop job I planned to do was going to turn into an hour long circus act (yet again);
  2. I was having a shit day.

But, her cuteness and my mood had me handing over the bucket full of water and the mop.

That’s when I did something stupid.  I sat down to relax.

Next thing, I hear a loud bang!  My daughter had single handedly managed to tip the bucket over and flood the kitchen!

I ran up to her and shouted “Look what you have done!  I told you that this would happen”.

She looked sad.  Sad and scared. And disappointed.

My instinct was to take back what I had said to her.

My heart told me that I was allowed to have reacted the way I did.

While these two parts of me had a 1 minute battle, her little voice kept saying “I’m sorry Mama”.  She said it about 900 times.

I made the decision on the spot:  GO WITH YOUR HEART!

I picked her up, put a blanket around her and rocked her like a baby, while silently promising myself never to fall for her charms again.

Then, I forgave myself.  And mopped up that damn floor!