Is passing the ball and sharing pizza too much to ask?

Sharing does not come easy to children. Well actually, sharing does not come easy to human beings I’ve decided.

This is my conclusion after standing on the side of the sports field and using every fibre of self-restraint I own not to run onto the pitch to grab the ball from kids who hog it. Pass the blooming thing, I shout inside my head, Open your eyes, dude…there are 3 free kids waiting in the wings. It’s a team sport!

I’m sure I’ve said that last bit out loud? Never!

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

Is it that we are all driven by some inner desire to be the hero? Or perhaps we’re just chasing the high that we know comes from scoring/winning? I don’t know what the answer is but I do think that when it comes to any group activity, understanding our role in the team is as key as understanding the overall objective. Imagine if every single soccer game had 8 Ronaldos, I say. Who would be the Ruud Krol (I’m giving away my age) to help the goalie in the back? I think I’ve made my point.

As for adults, we don’t easily master the sharing thing either despite our pretenses. True sharing implies empathy: the ability to get into another’s mind and see things from their viewpoint. How many of us can truly say that we can do that?

I’m working on less of ME and more of WE.

…unless it comes to leftovers in the fridge. Then it’s me, me, me all the way. Junior School-sport style:-)

Lee

Dear Barbara Streisand: “People who need people are indeed the luckiest people in the world”

What could go wrong on a morning when all the traffic lights are out?

Well, I packed some hot dog rolls into a Woolies shopping bag together with some cheese grillers and set off to gym. Stay with me – the hot dogs and gym visual is true.

The plan was to give the food away before it expired without my husband finding out. Long story…

I never quite made it to the gym (no surprises there) but I decided to sit down for some scrambled eggs instead. Just before I picked a spot, I saw someone I could give the food away to. The man sells Homeless Talk, a newspaper that I have seen a million times but never bought.

As I sat down at the cafe for my breakfast, I reached for my wallet to put the parking ticket in the spot where I always put my parking ticket and that’s when I realised that my wallet was in the black hot dog bag! The plan had been to stick the empty shopping bag into my gym bag, that’s how my purse ended up inside. Note to self: forget gym.

When I related the story to my children later that afternoon, sure I added some drama but essentially:

I had no cash to get out of the parking lot and had to make some decisions quickly.

So I asked the parking lady for a free pass. Sure, she said.

The cafe owner said that I come could totally have stayed for a free breakfast.

I opened my banking app to see if there had been any transactions. Cancel Cards/Not? Pause, I decided.

As I drove up the road towards the Homeless Talk seller, I saw him holding out the Mykonos blue purse with a look that said, “………..!”

The kids screamed “Nice hot dog lady!” but the man’s face really screamed “dumb blonde!” I was guilty as charged on both counts.

But here’s what this story is really about: people people, people.

We are all just people who need people. And that’s how we all get by. By needing people and by allowing people to need us. Barbara Streisand was right.

Lee

P.S. I couldn’t find much info online re Homeless Talk but the lovely guy selling his is at the garage near St Davids in Inanda close to Summer place:-) Didn’t catch his name. Don’t tell him you know me.

Dear Parents: Please be a Sport

This week I thought that the politics of school sports would be the death of me! (That is, if the dirty dishes, wet towels on the floor, spills in my car, new timetables, shopping, bickering and half-eaten meals didn’t kill me first). 

It was all the parent chit chat about:

this team and that team, 

which team and what team, 

me vs you, 

and canceled matches that really made my head spin.

My dad laughed as unloaded on him. “Ah, it’s a season,” he said in that tone that only someone who is on the other side of the season can. “Only a season. Enjoy it.”

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood

So after the kids left the house this morning, I emptied another round of dirty bowls into the dishwasher and soaked more white socks in Vanish. And then I sat down to write this in case you have also been wondering how not to pull your hair out when it comes to school sports. I have a few ideas:-

1. Let the coaches do their job. That’s their job. They also want to win, remember? Best you leave them to get on with it.

2. Teach your child these two letters: PB. No, not Peanut Butter. Personal Best. They need to focus on doing their best, and then doing better than that the next time. 

3. Try and remember what it was like when you were at school. Did you love everything? Were you good at everything? Did it all happen in the first week of the first grade? Exactly! We all bloom in different areas, at different times. Our bodies change, as do our interests and goals. Allow your child the space to explore and grow organically.

4. Relax. If your kid is talented, little Richie Rich may have a better coach and a bigger bat than your kid but life has a way of working these things out and real talent will always shine through.

Let’s all try and get out of this alive and with plenty of stories to share. It is indeed only a season.  

Lee 

Summer Solstice & The Hero’s Journey Theme

Yesterday was 21/12/2021 – the longest day of the year in the Southern Hemisphere; the day celebrated as The Summer Solstice.

I was barefoot in the garden at sunset at a beautiful venue in JoBurg to host a writing workshop and Solstice Ceremony for 50 people. I was eager to get into my role.

Stories connect humanity. Without stories, we are empty. 

We listen to stories, so we can connect with others. We tell our stories, so we can heal. 

Every day, you are telling yourself a story from the moment you wake up until you fall asleep.

We tell ourselves stories so we can unpack and process what we have been through.

Everyone is a storyteller and I stand by my previous sentiments that everyone has a story that only they can tell.

So we wrote with abandon.

We worked with the classic theme The Hero/Heroine’s Journey because let’s face it, us Heroes have been weighed down by stuff (God, we are living through a pandemic and trying to keep our shit together!) 

Our hearts have been heavy

We have become well acquainted with fear, control, anxiety, jealousy, feelings of deep darkness 

We have lost people

Seen suffering on a level that we have not seen in our lifetime 

And we have been walking with a constant threat…Is this nightmare over yet? 

…And yet, there is the part of all our stories that will tell of crossing the threshold (as the Hero/ine does in the theory) and entering a brand new chapter of our lives where we truly are victorious.

That’s really what we all want and there’s really where the energy of the Solstice was guiding us.

Always towards the Light!

After our writing, we moved on to the Fire Ceremony where we burnt the words that poured from our darkness. I said, “Watch your letter burn. Watch the paper become ashes. Watch the smoke rise from the paper. Know that the materials of the ink and the paper have returned to the basic elements and you are free!”

And so it is,

Lee

If you would like to book me for your own Write & Burn Ceremony or any other Writing Workshops, my calendar for 2022 is now open!

Lesson of the Week: Being Present

I was invited to speak at Microsoft this week. Their CCX EMEA event was online and I was naturally thrilled but nervous.

The topic was “How to hold space for others”.

The first item on my presentation (after all the intros) was about being present. I know all the theory but, as always, my “big test” was hidden in a challenge. In order to authentically talk to people about being present, I had to first pass my exam and earn my stripes.

So I paused the PowerPoint and headed out the door. Nature is always where I find my answers.

I recalled a story about the very first Buddha who was due to speak to thousands of people. He walked onto the podium (I imagine this to be just a little makeshift stage) and he spotted a lotus flower on the ground. People were there to hear something profound and life-changing; I would imagine HRH was well aware. He is said to have picked up the flower and for the longest time, they narrate that he stood staring at the flower while everyone just stared at him. The rest of the story goes that he made eye contact with someone in the crowd who was smiling, gave her the flower, and walked off stage. That became his most talked about, most “profound”, most sought-after lecture.

So, I walked down into my local veld. And each time I found my mind going forward in time…

I wonder if they will like me?

What do I have to offer to executives of Microsoft?

What if they think I’m a fraud?

…I picked a wild flower. It was a reminder to come back to center; to the very moment — which is really all there ever is.

Photo by Karina Rudnitskaya on Pexels.com

My presentation went well. I was able to get people to use more than their eyes to tune into my messages. In essence, they were holding space for me (while I fumbled around with technical logistics and later into my old wounds to share stories that shaped my worldview on the subject).

I’ve been invited back to Microsoft. And just as I found my head getting ahead of me – projecting all sorts of expectations on to the future – I was able to use the same bunch of wild Buddha flowers to bring me back. This moment, this moment, this moment…

Stripes earned! Lesson learned! I march on with such a heart full of love,

Lee

Are YOU afraid to face your shadow?

If you suppress your pain and sadness deep enough, avoid your tears and hide your insecurities long enough… you will definitely achieve all your goals and master your life!  

Bull, right? This could not actually be further from the truth. 

When you suppress your hard moments you deny yourself something so, so vital. Doing this holds you back from moving in the direction of the light – the place where you flourish. Instead, the shadow takes up a bigger space in your life and begins to get to work right away. It sabotages your career, love life, health, and your sense of purpose. It robs you of achieving any of the stuff on your vision board. 

And the more you try and hide from your shadow, the more it thrives! Just like that yucky mould at the bottom of the veggie draw. The more you try and hide your feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, betrayal, and not being good enough, the more the monster thrives. 

I’ve got a doctorate in denying my feelings. (Not literally, you silly kids!) It is rooted in my difficult childhood. But I’ve been working on the unlearning for pretty much my entire adult life. There is a lot to get through! 

My unlearning has taught me a couple of things: 

• You can’t break patterns you’re not willing to acknowledge 

• Self-sabotage ruins relationships and stops us from growing 

• You cannot escape your shadow 

Only when we finally step up to doing the work do we begin to break free of the cycles of victimhood, procrastination, and feeling like an imposter. That’s when we begin to LIVE! 

THANK YOU for listening without judgment and “holding space” for me while I continue my learning and unlearning.

I wish every success with breaking free from anything holding you back from living the life of your dreams.

Thank you again, 

Lee 

Coronavirus, Anxiety & Thanksgiving

I was driving to my son’s Christmas market yesterday having just received notice from school about a Grade 1 pupil with Covid-19. My nerves were in a twist.

Since last Thanksgiving, about 5million people have died, South Africa is headed for a “fourth wave” and a new variant of the Corona virus (Omicron?) seems to be our next big threat. No wonder, I thought, No bloody wonder scientists have had to coin a new term. “Covid-19 Anxiety Syndrome” says it all. This pandemic has messed with our heads and we will have scars for many years to come.

Before we walked into the market, I spent some time alone to get grounded and centered. When I felt ready, I headed straight to the bar. That’s when I bumped into someone I haven’t seen for about 2 years. The first thing we spoke about was her cancer. “I heard you were ill,” I said, “How are you feeling?”

She generously took me through her journey, right from the lump she found in her breast and later her armpit to the double mastectomy, chemo and long road home. As she walked away with her two young children, something really stayed with me. She was so GRATEFUL! She told me that not only was she grateful to be alive but she was sooooooo touched people! Naturally, her friends and family were there to support her but it was the random meal drop-offs, help with the kids, kind words, flowers and support from people in her neighborhood that touched her big time.

The sense of gratitude helped to shift her focus from poor me to blessed-me! This despite the sadness, fear and trauma she is still working through.

Happy Thanksgiving Photo by Olenka Sergienko on Pexels.com

As the sun set, the sound of happy children, smell of boerie rolls, champagne glasses clanking and the odd glow in the dark toy lit me up inside. I was grateful for my good health, grateful for the wonderful night sky, my amazing mom friends and my tall, handsome boy who I watched laughing in the distance. But, like my old friend, it was the people that gave me the feels. Our community of love.

I wonder if scientists are going to coin a term called Covid-19 Gratitude Syndrome because just everything seems a little more special at this point in the game.

Lee

Are you scared to make JOB change? Maybe my story will give you some hope…

I had a really crap job as a dog’s body at an insurance company in Rosebank many years ago. It was right upstairs from Fournos — a fast-food-style deli and bakery. 

One of my jobs was to archive old claim files. From my spot on the dirty grey carpet, the faces of the happy people who had just bought their takeaway coffee and croissants were not really visible, but I saw the way they walked and that’s what I wanted! Freedom. 

I remembered this chapter of my life this morning while sitting at the very Fournos. I’d say it’s about 18 years later. I can still picture the unsure girl that used to hate her job and the grey carpet. 

My dream was to move into my own office at the insurance company but life took me in another direction. One morning, I took the risk of meeting a recruiter at Fournos. She offered me a temp position at a new IT firm for triple the salary. The only catch was that it was not permanent. I would stand in for someone going on maternity leave. 

My instinct is always to say YES. So, I did. 

The next thing I had to do was talk to my boss. I was sure I could catch him before his “secret” (not so secret since she told everyone) lover closed the door for their daily meeting.  

“Can I be honest with you?”, he said.  Ah, those famous words I hate so much; usually a pre-cursor to some bullshit. 

“Sure,” I replied. 

“I would not hire you. You are too young and…well, you are not good enough.” 

I prepared a resignation letter the next day and asked HR to let me use my leave in lieu of notice. 

“That won’t be necessary,” HR told me. “Here are the calculations for your retrenchment package.” 

 I did not know it was coming. 

I used the cash to buy a new car and drove into my new job like a mother-bleep.

xoxo Lee

Overhearing a Compliment – It’s just magical!

Did you know that overhearing a compliment about yourself magnifies its impact by many hundreds of percentages?

I sort of knew this because I read it sometime back on one of the conscious parenting community blogs. It said that if you tell your child that she’s a wonderful, kind human being that she’s likely to roll her eyes but if she overhears someone else saying the exact same thing about her she’s far likely to believe it. Intriguing, right?

But think about it. Imagine you’re standing at a party and you overhear two people having a conversation about you. “She always looks amazing! Hot and kind? She is the full package!” Right? It would go straight to your heart.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

That’s what happened to me when I read something one of my clients wrote this week. Cara Carozza, author of Many Gifts – Seeing beyond the Setbacks posted this on her blog:

“Lee is more than a writing coach to me. She has become a friend. But, it’s her work process that I am so grateful for. Lee is a dream weaver! She uses her intuitive gifts extensively in her work to get guidance for each project, each client, each moment. As she receives messages, Downloads, and guidance she very gently shares the information to check for resonance. In my case, Lee’s intuitive nudges were always spot on. It’s the best feeling to know that you are being supported energetically. Lee calls it “holding space” and I believe that this is the future of all things corporate. If we can use our hearts more, we all win.”

Someone sent Cara’s post to me and said, “Lee, Cara is right! You ARE a dream weaver. Thank you for everything.”

It was a wonderful feeling.

So I encourage you to compliment, compliment, compliment genuinely. You are sowing the seeds of inspiration.

Lee

Public Service Announcement: The world needs YOUR story

We are all storytellers

Whether you write in secret without any plans of sharing or whether you write for an audience

The words you spill onto your screen (or paper if you’re old school like me) are special. 

You matter,

Your experiences matter,

You have a story that only YOU can tell. 

I’ve been looking back on my journals and poetry over the years and I am astounded by some of the content. Writing has quite literally helped me to process my pain and unpack some complex emotional blockages rooted in fear and trauma at times when I felt no one would understand. 

Once I gave myself permission to write, I began to transcend my circumstances and allow the feelings to move through me. 

And you can do it too!  

The words may trickle at first. Let them. Mine trickle slowly when I am anxious or worried about something. So I wait as if to say “Come on baby, you’re safe.”   

Whether your stories are about the fear you feel about this crazy world, your anxiety about the future, feelings of old heartache, loss, betrayal, or your experiences on the other side of that spectrum of all things magical, beautiful, mystical, and awe-inspiring…just write.

Give yourself permission to write like the incredible storyteller that you are. 

I see you,

Lee 

COME WRITE WITH ME? I will be teaching a couple of WRITING WORKSHOPS in the coming days and I’d love you to join me. Whether you need some guidance on how to structure/edit your current writing or if you’re just curious about what it may feel like to surrender to the call to interrogate your deepest feelings, I’d love to have you! I’ll be in touch soon. xoxo